the animal offensive


the animal offensive  (  a  p o e m  &  t h e  t r u t h  t o o  )

wombat battleships

hare air carriers

snark armadas

hedgehog hovercraft

aardvark arsenals

goshawk fighter jets

frogmouth frogmen

brown owl tiger tanks

penguin paratroops

black swan bomber squads

spider snipers

bugbear legionnaires

merman mercenaries

catfish cavalry

panther panzers

ibex infantry

shark artillery

bat battalions

toucan troopers

red fox special-ops

marching marmosets

war, roar unicorns

on, treecreepers

fuck you, zookeepers



orthopaedic shoes


orthopaedic shoes  (  a  p o e m z  )

strolling a song

in the muddle of the morn

baa bleat the cows

& a moo from all the ewes

stringing along

with y' vest & dressing gown

toothpaste's the stain

on y' tartan painted trews

smiles from the town

on a yokel-local lane

still sits the wind

so the miller blows a fuse

autumn's in spore

as a buzzard boars the sky

holes in the soles

of y' orthopaedic shoes


excuses, excuses, excuses, excuses, excuses


excuses, excuses, excuses, excuses, excuses  (  ?  )

silage is golden

the dog ate the silage

freddie starr ate my last rolo


i fell into a puddle

on a rainy daze

in gloucester

& met suranne jones

& a narwhal from atlantis


it's pantomime season

& the garden gnomes are wassailing


moles are the only true

ground breakers left


if i were a ptarmigan

in a tartan cardigan


cows keep mooing


the goalposts


alphabet antennae


alphabet antennae  (  a  p o e t r y  )

alphabet antennae

blasting badger babylon

christmas crystal crows

diabetic dogs

even easter's eggheads

farting farthing funerals

galloping goshawks

horus's horsefly

iodine is inkling

j'accuse jim's jacuzzi jam

kipper kilowatts

lemon leper lords

musical, my mudflaps

nibiru's new noodle nest

otter obelisks

pyrotechnic plums

quoting quagga quince queens

ruffle rubber river run

seven silver swans

tonsil tonguing toads

unicorn urinals

vintage viking valium

weasels waxing wings

xanadu's xenon

yodel yeti yeoman

zither zephyr zulu zeus

( zzzzzzz )